This morning I dropped my car off to get new tires for the winter.  I’ve been entirely failing on a daily goal of walking 10K steps (yes, I am obsessed with my Fitbit and have been for a while).  So instead of taking the ride home from the shop, I opted instead to walk to a nearby cafe for breakfast (gathering at least 500 steps and that is where I am typing this now).  I will head to the library in a little while (gathering up a promising few hundred more steps along the way).

It is amazing to me how sometimes (and always during a walk or exercise) a flood of mental clarity can just begin to flow.  I wish it would happen more often (perhaps if I made that 10K goal happen more often…duh…but as we all know, easier said than done).  You know from my last post, I have been spinning on all sorts of things for a while.  But today a flood of clarity came to me while walking; I could hardly wait to put in my breakfast order so that I could sit down and put this to paper before I lost the train of thought.

This may seem odd, but I have been doing all these things that outwardly seem so accomplished and perhaps portray as sense of really knowing what I am doing, but inwardly I have been incapable of stringing them all together.  Outwardly, people tell me that I am amazing and that they can see this great platform that I have created, but inwardly I yearn for their clarity and fear asking them too many questions about what they see in me (that I can not) – because when I do, I worry that I become a bit heavy and morose and I wonder if perhaps I come off as both insecure and insincere (and I don’t believe either is really the case). I have simply lacked clarity and an ability to provide a framework around all the things I do that makes sense to me.  I do the things that come naturally to me, but feel I have been doing them without connection or an understanding of why and what my greater purpose is. Maybe it just that I have been an intense goal setter most of my life….but lately I have not been able to find my path with this technique. And this has been bothering me intensely.

But then this just came together…..

Rochelle Greayer – I work to connect people (including myself) to their immediate landscape.

Why?

  • I do it for myself

– My own sense of satisfaction and health

– My children need to understand and have this grounding, both as people who have a connection to the landscape and garden, and as people who have witnessed and experienced their mother working hard, being entrepreneurial and making her own path.

– My community needs people like me to question, inspire and be a catalyst for change.

  • I do it for financial gain
  • I do it to make the world a better place
  • I do it to stave off boredom and a sense of uselessness – this is my purpose
  • I do it for the challenge
  • I want to create things that are important and meaningful and beautiful

How?

  • I write books

– About design and how to create personal outdoor spaces that are comforting, unique and will draw people into the garden and landscape

– Other?

  • I created a newspaper and a blog

– To inspire people with garden related stories that they can relate to

– To entertain

– To help people connect with each other

  • Gardeners to growers, artisans, and other related business people.

– To educate readers about new ideas and practices

– To create beauty

  • I volunteer

– I helped start and run a farmers market

– I serve on community boards and committees that aim to improve the landscape

  • I design gardens and consult on the making of gardens
  • I give lectures on topics related to everything that I am doing
  • (future?) I make beautiful videos about interesting stories and topics
  • (future?) I write more books
  • (future) ??

What I aim to accomplish

  • I want to be an example for others to follow
  • I want to change the status quo
  • I want to empower people to follow my lead
  • I need to make a reasonable living

I know this might seem like a very simple and obvious outline – but I cannot tell you how hard this has been to come to and how happy it makes me to be able to read this. That the top sentence is short and sweet and that it all fits on one page feels liberating! Woop! Woop!  It is suddenly so simple and clear and I feel so much better knowing that if I start to lose my way again, I can come back to this.

I’m feeling slightly terrified to push the ‘publish’ button on this one….but here it goes… – Rochelle

2 Responses to Achieving Clarity

  1. hi Rochelle,
    I live in Boston. Since moving here I have also struggled with the same sense of clarity. I had a child, built a pre-school, started an after school program, worked in tv, created numerous urban spaces as a volunteer. I have been looking for the thread and for the arrow forward. I know my limitations and what doesn’t work. I know I love to build things. But I worry about the next step. I don’t see a place for me in horticulture that allows me to support my family equally. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I am following along and feel grateful for your example and candor. Best of luck, Erin Frost

  2. Erin – apologies for not replying earlier – but part of the reason that this remodel is happening now, is because software (behind the scenes) has been broken and getting worse…and it wasn’t letting me – the admin on the site – post comments. Anyway – all upgraded now and better, and I wanted to say that your comment meant alot – it is comforting to know that my struggles are not unique – It sounds like we have quite a lot in common actually and I hope our paths will cross sometime soon. Best – Rochelle

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